Goodbyes and new beginnings

Hi girls, who sucks at goodbyes? Raise your hands.

I certainly do!

This month I had to say goodbye and with college season starting soon, I sure ain’t the only one ! So, let's talk about it.

I moved out when I was pretty young, and looking back, I can say that I was not really ready for it ! moved in and out of a couple of places and experienced different cities.

You would expect me to be the best at goodbyes by now (spoiler alert: I am not)!

I ended up building a life for myself far from where I grew up. I became a new version of myself that I actually like and made a name for myself that I respect. I am surrounded by people who know me and truly see me. I get to experience life in ways I only dreamed of! Leaving wasn't only about leaving those I love; it was about leaving a part of myself there too.

Going back to college, where I know what to expect, into classes full of people who just don't get it, is not something I can say I look forward to !

Can we just skip to the good part and jump over the next two years?

I think it's okay to feel sad and lonely, even when you're surrounded by people. If you don't feel like yourself sometimes, I just need you to know that it's okay. You're not crazy or dramatic. Being yourself can be hard in an environment that doesn't let you be yourself. You can't make jokes if people don't get them, and you can't share your opinion if people aren't open to it. It's okay to know that you don't belong. That doesn't make you an ungrateful brat. I think it just means that you're aware of the kind of life you want for yourself.

We talk a lot about grief and being nostalgic for the past. But I am starting to think there’s something about being nostalgic that we miss to point out ! What if you just miss you? What if you miss the eversion of yourself you were in the “good old days” because you didn’t have to think about being you.. What if the you back then was happier because the environment you were in allowed you to just be.

When you're on vacation, you feel free. Everyone is having a good time, and you're creating new habits and finding new ways to spend your time. We become this whole new person! Saying goodbye to a place is also saying goodbye to the version of yourself that existed there. For me, leaving this time felt like giving up the version of myself that felt confident, the routines I loved, the freedom I had, the community that knew me, and the dream that finally felt possible.

Everyone knows the saying, "It's one step forward and three steps back."

I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE THAT FEELING. And yet, here we are.

Going back to college feels exactly like that to me. I made the decision to start college a little later in life, so people tend to be a bit younger. When you're an adult living an adult life, where you have responsibilities and experiences that make you see the world a little differently, it is challenging to go back to being told where you're allowed to sit, who to talk to, and how to sit, breathe, and eat. It's like all the growth you've experienced just disappears for the sake of "expectations."

You can grow tremendously somewhere, then return to an old environment where nobody witnessed that growth. People will still treat you like the old version of yourself because that's the version they remember. That can feel incredibly lonely, at least to me.

Because as much as I would like to lie to you and say it's easy to just be yourself, it isn't. When you're known as something, it's hard to outgrow the perception people have of you. The hardest part for me ( EVERY. SINGLE. TIME) , is not losing myself in that. Not having reactions that are expected of me ! Bringing able to say that I don’t relate to certain things anymore, that I like what I like without having to justify to how and why ! Espacily, why I have changed and how come I am more this or that now !

I’ll let you know when I succeed...

So far, coming back to my old life has brought the old me back, and she's not the woman I am growing to be. There’s been times in the past, where I was taken aback by who I was that day.

There are places where I have to explain every part of who I am. Then there are places where I don't have to explain anything at all.

NO, KAREN, I AM NOT TRYING TO BE A PICK ME.

God forbid you have a little personality and your own opinions! Welcome to the 2026 "pick me" starter pack. Where I come from, if you don't like rap and don't use certain slang words, then you're probably "just trying to be different."

RIGHT.

Today, I just want to remind everyone that it's okay to feel like you've outgrown your hometown, your old self, or anything else you might feel guilty about. Start by being honest with yourself, and grow from there.

Go after what God puts on your heart.

Chase it.

And mean it.

But in all of this, I have to remind myself of what the Bible says.

If I'm being honest, I have a tendency to place my identity in worldly things more than in who I am in Christ. It's easier for me to recognize the Lord's voice when I'm surrounded by my Christian friends, living my simple little Christian life. But every time I come back, it feels harder. I start questioning myself again. I start looking at who I am through the eyes of other people instead of through the eyes of God.

The truth, though, is that no matter what my relationship with God looks like in a particular season, my identity is still in Him. Feelings don't redefine what God has already declared.

When I got baptized, I made a promise that it would no longer be I who live, but Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2:20). That means my identity isn't found in the version of myself I like the most, the city that feels most like home, or the people who understand me best.

It doesn't even matter if I like this version of myself right now.

My identity isn't in me.

It never was.

I am a daughter of God.

And that's where I need to grow from.